Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(318): View more from Louisiana

That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch

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(318): That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch http://tfl.nu/faw2

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(214): View more from Texas

Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS

(210): View more from Texas

Put my glitter back.

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(214): Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS (210): Put my glitter back. http://tfl.nu/4pgc

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(512): View more from Texas

i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.

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(512): i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th. http://tfl.nu/3s5y

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(518): View more from New York

you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly

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(518): you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly http://tfl.nu/e809

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(904): View more from Florida

i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.

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(904): i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night. http://tfl.nu/xd4f

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad

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(570): the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad http://tfl.nu/6zrt

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(323): View more from California

dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning

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(323): dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning http://tfl.nu/bjxg

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(970): View more from Colorado

Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?

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(970): Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone? http://tfl.nu/jm19

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(313): View more from Michigan

tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve

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(313): tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve http://tfl.nu/02r5

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(303): View more from Colorado

Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.

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(303): Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call. http://tfl.nu/oew3

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(952): View more from Minnesota

So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building

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(952): So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building http://tfl.nu/qsqb

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(630): View more from Illinois

Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.

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(630): Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus. http://tfl.nu/ls1i

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(802): View more from Vermont

No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.

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(802): No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said. http://tfl.nu/3y67

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(314): View more from Missouri

Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine

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(314): Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine http://tfl.nu/rnj9

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship

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(508): I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship http://tfl.nu/b7qc

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