I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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