I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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