I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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