I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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