guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize