God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
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I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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