Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize