Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.

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(708): so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened. http://tfl.nu/8b76

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.

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(201): Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her. http://tfl.nu/wlqs

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.

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(603): I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again. http://tfl.nu/0sqv

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(614): View more from Ohio

I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.

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(614): I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision. http://tfl.nu/xp34

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(334): View more from Alabama

I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me

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(334): I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me http://tfl.nu/oobt

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(760): View more from California

She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.

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(760): She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome. http://tfl.nu/43xh

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(206): View more from Washington

it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"

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(206): it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting" http://tfl.nu/ix3k

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(815): View more from Illinois

walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.

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(815): walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill. http://tfl.nu/3jcw

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(925): View more from California

I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands

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(925): I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands http://tfl.nu/dboa

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.

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(603): I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail. http://tfl.nu/cdnn

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(712): View more from Iowa

I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"

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(712): I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it" http://tfl.nu/ijmk

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(916): View more from California

He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.

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(916): He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex. http://tfl.nu/zvxf

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(518): View more from New York

The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.

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(518): The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid. http://tfl.nu/6fga

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(479): View more from Arkansas

They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.

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(479): They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora. http://tfl.nu/rpdd

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(704): View more from North Carolina

when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.

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(704): when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name. http://tfl.nu/kof4

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