I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize