worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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