even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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