I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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