She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
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i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
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You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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