the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i dont even know how to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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