so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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