yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
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I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
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They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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