Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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