I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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