Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
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I don't deserve a penis
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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