Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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