May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize