***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize