I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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