i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
my liver is dry heaving
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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