I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize