she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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