I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked into jail on foursquare
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize