So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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