1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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