My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
send nudes
from the living room?
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