So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
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After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
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I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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