How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize