Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
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you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
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I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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