i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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