Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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