Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
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I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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