nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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