I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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