K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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