dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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