she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So many bounce houses so little time
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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