So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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