Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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