she looked like the before picture.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
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