I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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