Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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