I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize