the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
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I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Semen is not good for contacts.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
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I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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