I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize